Maggie Dyson


If I got up at six in the morning

Boiled the kettle, fed the cats

Swept the floor and shook the mats,

Stirred the porridge, washed the pots

Cleaned the sink and wiped up spots

Whisked my Dyson round like crazy

(Canít let neighbours think Iím lazy,)

Dusted every nick and nack,

Front of bookcase, round the back,

Cleaned the sinks and blitzed the bath

Scraped  the moss off the garden path

Ironed the sheets and pants and Ďjamas

Trouser creases like the vicarís,

I would be cleanly, I would be Godly

Nobody would look at me oddly.



I get up at seven

Boil the kettle, feed the cats

Clean the catsick off the mats

Do the suduko, hide the pots

Wipe the surface while the cats make spots

Read yesterdayís paper in my nightie,

(Guess the postman thinks Iím flighty)

Pile up papers in a stack,

Hide the rubbish out the back

Iíve lost the brush for the lavatory,

Cos Iím at the computer, writing poetry.

I havenít the time to be clean and Godly,

My neighbours often look at me oddly,

Cos Iím on the phone, chatting to a friend

Discussing the distance from Trowbridge to Landís End.


Iíve never got the time to do what I oughtta.

My mother would be ashamed of her daughter!


Maggie Dyson